"Julie looked me up and down again and said, "I know we will call her,Emilia, Millie for short, I think that would suit her down to theground." Okay,"...said James, "Millie, hurry up three miles is a long way to walkin high heels when you're not used to it."I did not know what to say or do, so I went back and got my bag and purseand left with them.I was so worried about being recognised or ousted as a man dressed as awoman, I started to really shake, Julie whispered in my ear, "Come on nowMillie. "Mom looked dejected, but she did leave my room and closed the door. I kept sitting there for some time, looking at the door, still clutching my round pillow. I felt angry at the world for putting me in this situation. I even felt sorry for myself. I was convinced that my life was now officially over. I cried a little more as well, till I noticed something, I stunk. No not that my mood was so foul, I actually smelled bad. 'Maybe my nose is more sensitive now.'With aversion, I laid my pillow. Why? Because they liked you better, you little bitch. Because you lookso damn good in that uniform and I look ugly. I tried to be your friend as away to put that behind us, but you were always too busy to give me the time ofday.? Ester was lying to herself and didn?t even know it; she had tried once totalk to Felicia but chickened out because her (Felicia?s) friends were there.She was, in reality, jealous of Felicia?s beauty and ability to attract boys aswell as her loving and sweet. The man of my fantasies would care about me, and think of me as beautiful and special. He would enjoy my body in ways no one ever dared to before, and he would teach me to enjoy it too. He would respect me and never judge my desire for sex, and my eagerness to please him would turn him on and excite him. He would recognize that over time, I would let him do anything he wanted with me. Most of all he would be black, for some reason I never thought it would ever happen. I always imagined the.
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